06/09/09

it's sunday evening and I'm alone at home again, mom's gone out for mahjong, I would not be so worried because I know she's happy and enjoying herself, and i would normallt go out with high school buddies and friends.

but for the 1st time after reading an email send to me about mother's, yes I know all the common things about loving our mothers, there's this one mail I read which hit me hard and it already made me feel lonely enough that someday I would focus on my life that I completely forget about one of the most important people in my life that is stil here to watch over me even if I'm an adult now who is still studying and still needs a parents support. I cannot help stop thinking about it after I read that mail.

I remember since I returned to my studies, I focussed and put much energy to studies I hardly spoke with mom at all, I would go back to her office after class, bring along my canvas paper and laptop and do work at her office, she would look over my shoulder and see what I was doing and avoided disturbing me, and I only get to talk to my mother once in awhile after long weeks of work.

she spends hours in the office playing those simulation games because she won't want to go home watching dvd's, and these days I often work on the home computer instead of going to her office to work and talk to her.

I would sometimes sit in front of her desk and talk away and she would listen and laugh at my conversations. the time when she says "wanna go away to cyberlodgeview this weekend?" when I still working in the industry, spend the few nights and day taking time off from work and more time with mom.

I would write this because being a good son or bad son from young till now, I am starting to understand that I will face the time that someday, mom won't be able to stay to watch over me, that I will have to stand on my own someday, that I live with regrets and I understand now that ever since dad passed away, she took her role to watch over me and che, and that sometimes I wished she would still be there and I can hug her.

I also wana say my mother has always been there for me, never even got angry with me and wanted me to stay strong. I wana appreciate every moment I spend with both her and che while she's still with us both and I hope that all my other friends and relatives, no matter where you are or how old you are or what you are, you have to understand that losing one parent is sad memory but someday loose the other is also sad.

I know this is common, but as children, we need to appreciate our parents much more