03/04/2010

It's saturday and I'm doing work at the lab 01, like usual, always staying behind last man standing. but today was different type of felling when I'm staying behind, I had this strange feeling that maybe my life was going to change forever and maybe if will be the same.

around 2:00 pm when I was having lunch with Razerblaire, my group members jia yung and sheena, our conversation after our lunch make me think abit more about friendship and trust than before, the feeling was like back in my life in 2007 when I knew "qing" that time. I still can recall my memory in that year where I for the 1st time I felt that having friends in m'sia is relly sometimes abit problematic apart from my current friends who I can trust.

i felt that I was showing too much commitment to being there for the person I want to be with and that my friends felt that maybe I'm doing too much that I'm simply slipping away allowing myself to be to obsessed with my target that I'm forgeting about commitment and responsibility.

I know that sheena and jia yung understand and respect me as their close friend, thank you you 2, as one of my closest friends in toa you both have always been there to help and support me, we never gave up on each other and we're always there for each other, I felt concern for the 1st time when I explained after class when you both heard my story of how I helped my target it's was like you werre my friend there to support me but held back from arguing with me because of how much we all trust each other. I just want to say I hope I am not going to dissappoint our group even if I want to go out with her and be with her that I can still commit to our team no matter how difficult our situation will be and that I'm proud of working with you both even since vst.

despite the fact that I talk so much about her you both understood my feelings, most of all I don't want to be doing this mindlessly like was when I was 22 yrs old, I was being used, taken advantage of and I didn't feel comfortable with t, haha of course not by you both, you treated me well, and you shown me the trust and respect since the day I met you both.

clearly today I want to know if everything I'm doing means something and that I didn't waist time commiting to it, my relationship with the grl I want to be with, my commitment to final project with you 2, my family, my studies, my friends and most of all who I am today.