11 12 am
it's been more than 3 months ady working in ganchos, and life here is so - so until now, and I'm still doing fine, but i got something that i would like to share about here, it's been on my mind for ages and have to get it out.
ever since i returned from auckland things begin to change around me, psychologically, mentally, maturity and maybe even my mindset and way of thinking, i figure it was just me from the begining, then later i would realise i'm not the only one who thinks like that, most friends who been overseas before me share the same minds like me or probably different ways of thinking but that's not the point of this sharing. despite the fact that I feel abit different now there is something that i still cannot change and that relly is like the ice breaker to me, i somehow feel that there are others like me out there is this world who probably are stronger in life and better person than me and stronger will, i feel I'm most afraid to hurt them or even offend them.
it's like this have this aura around them that make them untouchable or even totally untouchable, their heart is good will and their intentions are good, even if they are not physically strong but on the mental side they created fear with the other person. this is the ice breaker to me, is this some intellectual thing? someone is stronger and grown so much from pain actually choose to forgive? and the other person who maybe isn't so matured yet lacks the intellectual ability and suddenly feel overpowered by the person will stronger will?
this have been on my mind for sometime, i bet if I ever come across immature teenagers they probably feel the same way, what is the whole idea anyway? i'm obvious to the fact it's not used to bully but it's to even engage with someone and being reasonable.
in other words, i fear the stronger people who have stronger will than me, intellectual ability and i relly have no guts to face them, i end up shrinking, it happens so fast i feel i dun even have the ability to duel with them lol! not even dare to cross them.
i think i'm being too intellectual sometimes too, but i cannot help it, so wat else is there to even share about? i think that will be it today, sometimes i feel i'm abit over my head about something it's just a thought