true facts about overseas study

10 30 am

after spending 1 1/2 years overseas studying i can share this much, never expect overseas college or uni to be promising, wat you know about them is just marketing like normal their purpose is recruit students, even more is to recruit international students, another thing is more true, international students find it hard to get jobs in overseas country they study before, even part time jobs are difficult to get, only because you have foreigner status.

once you return to your country and reveal that you overseas to study before, everyone thinks you created amazing pieces of work that is same level with that country,  i can say that's bs, today it's very different, most overseas colleges are not wat they all say they are, it's just marketing when in truth you cam eback with a reel that is not so strong but can still polish. i don't know how to put it like this, but after months returning back, i'm still jobless and i thinking at same time doing all this, either on day of my birthday i'm able to get some good news or consider telling my mother i might retreat from this field just temporary, i don't know why i think retreat will help me in what way but i hope that something can happen, it's stupid to retreat bu for now cannot think of anything else

demo reel 2013

4 24 am

this is so many times i had to work on my damn reel, never ending story, if that's one thing i know at moment, i have 2 choices, this reel have been corrected and i taken away alot of nice artworks and replaces by smaller artwork, and what i can say next is, if the next following days nothing happens when i emailed out this reel today, i have no choice but to retreat and either re work my skills again or back down from this industry.

i strongly disagree that graduates like me are not success to find a job and i strong disagree that someone who havent work in company for 1 year or more cannot even get a job. i hope this is watever it's worth

league of legends new trailer

5 37 am

wow, i think i dun regret waking at this time, but i'm happy that i managed to finished editing my modeling reel, later i need to check again to see if need more editing before making final render, other updates is league of legends new trailer, i never relly play that game alot just couple times, but the render and animation looks good, now alot of game wanna use realistic textures.

props

2 00 am

at home, after eating finish my mc nuggets and finish texturing my latest props,i think today i can polish maybe abit before rendering turntable, i feel that this weekend will make mt reel and monday will email it over to all the companies, my last try before i decide i will ask to work at the office.

this is props, all fully textured with simple lighting set up

i think this is only project i almost completed, simple and can achieve, next is the goblin

props

8 44 pm

so here is something, i'm trying to fix my insomnia problem while i do personals projects, and here is the latest news

i started to apply texture to my props, and this is the progress so far, i try to finish my texturing this week then i can proceed to reel after that.

my reel

4 49 pm

i woke up late and got insomnia again, haih, back to square 01, anyway back to the drawing board doing personal projects and my reel, good  news is my junior gave me feedback on how to improve checkpoint and i did below the render

now the texture looks less blur in front, the tire track is gone, it was very nice for detail too bad i have to sacrifice it. it looks way better than the previous is all i can say, now i am continue to work on the props, will post up the wip soon.

concrete wall turntable

6 20 pm

just started to render our my turntable today until my pc overheat and crash, so now will continue the rendering, decided to post up the turntable instead on playblast

i think this week will be rendering turntables and texturing next week will continue with modeling the uzi

uzi

1 am

it's midnight ady and i have been working on another personal project, it's called uzi mac 10, its started from speed modeling then i decided to make it into a weapons modeling. sigh it's jsut sad, I plan to model my goblin character end up i still modeling props.

anyway here it is

2 days work of modeling progress, just default lighting and shading. i tihnk i still need to remodel some parts properly before continue, argh! at moment dl ing 3ds max 2012

yesterday

4 45 pm

yesterday have recent interview at games company at aizo digital at cyberjaya, missed it before and forgot to apologise, real stupid, i'm at another point decision in my life now, either i can find a place for myself or retreat temporary, because not making any progress.

anyway i'm back at the hotel, feels good to be in air cond once inawhile, i'm was told from my interview with aizo boss that i have to check my email somewhere this week but all my interviews with game companies end same way never reply. i think i will re try silver ant, and lemon sky just once more.

if there is one thing i would have wanted to do, i wold have all this skill back at 2006, and teach myself that there different type of boss but didn't realise it yet. look at me, still a bum without a job and trying my best until with no progress, i have taste of my own medicine 2 days ago and it's making me think very hard, i dun mind working at selset, if ah yee can trust me, or a part time in some cafe, i'm sure i cant get any freelance.

i think wat happens after all this just will continue, I dunno again wat will happen, but i hope this year dun go so bad so plans for now

continue helping mum at office, do my wireframe renders and uzi guns, other than that if i'm back to square 1 i'm switching temporary

5th may 2013

8 31 pm

it's been few days, i am abit speechless at moment but i will write what i can, also i will make it short, no answer from overseas singapore company, or even oktobor, but i guess i musn't worry too much yet, i thinking about sending my reel to one animation singapore sometime this week. not expecting anything.

also, i got a response from aizo digital artworks, games company at cyberjaya, before i was very stubborn about going there for interview i think now i just didn't care, i decided to pump petrol for 2moro and go find that office in cyberjaya, disregard whether can get anything or not i just dun care much. 

sounds irresponsible of me but i felt like this before. but i think this is even more deeper, since august last year i coem back i didn't know wat will happen to me? well surprise, same situation jobless and wonder where the heck i am going to be much later. I am not in penang today for 11 days because I suspected i will get interview this week, and confirmed interview on wednesday  10 am, wat wll happen right after that i don't know. but that's not what i am concern most, tonight is the taste of medicine i relly got.

imagine wat is life like without mum, she been looking after me for so many years and all i did was nothing, poor mummy, she believed her son will be successfull in getting a job overseas, look wat happen, he's back here still jobless and no doubt struggling to find himself a place around. i can feel it now even wat happens even after mom's time is up, or both che, it's such painfull feeling, i'm all alone in this house, i'm fighting to keep my strenght together. wat life ahead will be like without her, this house still broken down? me still jobless? floating around like a bum i am now, yea i know what i look like, even a ghost is even probably bored hanging around me see the same person with same objective, it's saying dude, get out of that room and get yurself a part time or something better than waste your lfie away in that room!

then i think to myself, so wat even if I got myself a part time? will that change anything? working at selset or washing dishes or even mopping the floor of some cafe? while i do my own personal art jobs? have anyone ever stop to think where that goes other than have small income?

i know mum won't be here to watch over me in the future and Im feeling this for the next few days, how quiet it relly is, how will i deal with all this presure, health, tax, bills, rent, money, job, food, how will i able to maintain myself and take care of myself? assume that i am stuck here than i not able to find a job overseas. that feeling, i guess this night will test my true ability.

dad i understand how you feel that many years ago when you were dying, this is probably what you wanted to explain to me, I was too young to understands, i'm going to be 29 next month, if you reading this, i want you to know that i miss you so much and i probably feel the same way with mom also when she leaves and che also, i promise i will be by their side when it's their turn no matter where i am, i am not a greedy persom but i am very ambitious, i jsut want to able to take care of myself and not to pressure mom.

i think watever happens will happen

so wats goign to happen next? I will go for my next interview, i will get myself a part time assuming i have to retreat from 3d artist job for a shortwhile and finally hopefully someday i can return to overseas to work, where can I start? hopefully start with huhustudios. it's not a plan it's just do it

study and observation

2 06 pm

at home, okei jsut replied to giggle garage, applied to fly studio and sparky, this take forever but question is whether wad i already do worth it. in case nothing happens i still can apply to silver ant, dun fuk it up this time.

also wish to express something, remember what people who already working before give advise about industry? they tell us things like dun rush to apply for a job, but take time to polish the work extra , do revision before create the reel and maybe even polish the reel? they are right about that, i did that before i email my reel out again. they even tell you that trying to take short cut won't make the project look nicer, you have to take small and simple steps to create your artwork acomplish them slowly before you able to make a nice piece of artwork, but most of all is keep doing your own artwork, feel free to take constructive critism and do your best, all that matters

so for me, i create mostly personal artwork for now because i was told that you create your own artwork it's sometimes better than your industry work, i noticed that anyone now working in industry, got 2 problems, 1 is not enough time to create personal artwork, they also soemtimes also struggle to make work in the job look good hehe, obvious right? it's not a joke they also still struggle the 2nd is alot of the employer are getting lansi, it's not normal for them to behave like tat instead let them be lansi, they will never be sure their artwork and learning ability start to go down like hell.

as for me, learning never stops, all my previous artwork is continue learning progress, to tell me that this artwork is nice not nice, average or can still improve and why? all the artworks are about progress and mistakes, everytime i work on something i might think it's the best artwork but when i create new artwork believe me, your previous might not feel like the best  and it feels like didn't applied knowledge properly.

we might have earn the knowledge but believe me, ther eis no point to be lansi and talk down on others, we can disscuss it to understand the problems we face and challenges but talking down on someone wah lau eh, that's 1 person who thinks they are cg award winner, dude we haven't seen your artwork yet and you talk big? i belueve every person strenght and ability is from their reel and art sense rite? not talking like lansi and talk down on others, it's not how our industry works.

updated reel

12 am

at home, just finished updating my website and modeling reel, vimeo make it looks blur and youtbe make it look worse! diu after all the effort make it HD version both also make the value look like rojak, might as well jsut use the image gallery in my website ngam moh? anywa below is the new one, probably looks better than previous.

updates

11 09 am

finally they finished counting, and stupid elections are over, traffic easy going abit and more available parking space. hm wat else oh yes, finished edting my reel and update my website, next question is only when to email my stuff to lemonsky, probably 2day later

i'm not sure why everyone feels worried and thinks it's like doomsday mood around but, I'm feel fine at the moment, you prbably think i'm not caring when i say it's not that bad lah, could actually turn out worse than you know. I say you can try do what i did, be brave and keep going unless you choose to give up. the choice is up to you