Wednesday, October 30, 2013

things to do

2 45 pm

blogging in office now of all times, wondering what is next change going to be, i always have so little to write about but alot to experience, in more little to share but so much to explore, it's like this thing i have, but wanna disscuss and talk about it and no idea where to begin.

recently though about things like philantropy and anthropology, studying humans, our nature, in other words everything there is to learn about us in our everyday life and what we are capable of doing. i mean i live in this human world, this universe that is inhabitat by living and breathing people, i think about studying and learning all about us, it's not a job or commitment but learning interest to know about human race, what makes us tough, why we are so interested to live and survive even until now, worth exploring.

therefore next question is, how long will human race last? and why? we are main inhabitants of earth and use most of earths natural resources and we are only the ones who are destroying and saving it i think only we know the answer ourself right?

and next question, what will humans do to survive in their own universe? i think that's nothing we cannot handle right? i mean after all we are still living earth, we didn't leave earth yet for other planets, therefore survival at moment is anything bad. have humans actually survivied the ice age? we dun know, there was no proof of human skeletons but we did survive past the those other ages.

so whats next? some philosophy after all that study and exploring but what will be the result of all that? because human behaviour changes with the times right? it's just simply human nature so many diff types of study and so many types of results.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

sunway oktober

7 16 pm

at home at sunday wondering how to spend my last hours instead of resting, thinking if i shud go to kok foos house later for dominos pizza ah screw it, anyway whats happening now i think i'm stuck in some thinking process and lovesturck again, shit i hate it when this kind of thing happens, either i can is that get rid of it or i destroy myself down with it.

it's relly stupid by the sound of it but i think it's going to happen either way no matter how it goes, might as well get it out anyway, before i say anything else i ady know I'm a bloody stalker, just not a fuckiing psychopathic yet.

about a month ago shuet ling lee, some online friend i known since 2012, i told her about the companyy i worked at, she applied there, i never expected to work in the same company with her but it was  happened, her ex classmate works there also, i tot it would not be such a good idea because i tot i would become stronger in terms of friendship with her and bloody hell it is growing stronger, well maybe and maybe not i dunno, the part i relly dislike the most is end up wanan talk to her more and stalk her, i try my best to avoid that.

lol 29 years old and ady like this? just wonder what happens to me next after that, will it be obsession, hoprefully it's not obsession untiil rape and murder, I wanan prevent anything like hurt. i know shortly after we met and worked in same company i was asked to fetch her to work and back home, few times i tot about holding her hand or having oral sex with her but i stopped myself because i didn''t liked that feeling. She doesn't know anything at all bout me why shud a 23 year old girll trust a stranger at all? she relly shud ask herself why

i also asked my classmates before what do they think about dating a co worker, they have both yes and no as asnwers, mosly is by choice, i guess ive been thinking more important is there a connection between 2 individuals? will they be happy? and am I just thinking up rubbish? fuck >.<

well i did earn that maybe she have a bf, lol oh what the heck, another rubbish thought again, well i think i will try and make it through the night and survive my last month of probation here

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

life so far

2 56 pm

life so far abit slow but tats okei, just yesterday i tot i had make a 1 time mistake that could lead me to risking my own probation time in gancho but so far not a single sign yet, maybe i just won't know, up till today I been thinking that to myself that I shud not be engaged to much into attention or draw too much attention to myself, I would be outside people's attention and outside the spotlight i would be away from center of attention. it works that way for me.

last time I was in spotlight i think i did it on purpose and got msyelf into trouble and that was a 1 time mistake, i feel that maybe this would have been the 2nd mistake i almost make, i would justthe silent type unless i relly need to put myself in risk by being in center of attention, this types of things are dangerous. Another thing today is from the recent task i have been given by my art director last week was to model a game prop from team fortress 2, the sentry he mentioned model it and if I got the time I could rig it and animate it, i didn't think it was a serious request but i decided to do it anyway, I tot maybe I will put the print screen in my blog here 1st before sharing in on the company blog.

above, the game prop for team fortress 2, the sentry, i'm not a fan of the game but tot i would jsut well share it in here.

i also got another question here maybe it's just for the purpose of study, i decided I will only help and protect those people that matter to me the people who were in my life and make part of my life, the people who disregard if those are close friends or family that actually didn't sacrifice anything for me but make me matter in their life, the same way I would do for them. I won't say this is study anymore but my way of life, my decision i made in life and affects those that don't matter to me, its just sad that i got lo let them go this way but i have already decided, reason is simple, i used to be the guy that would come to your side, the person you could rely on, and the one person who would be there for you  when everyone just decided you are totally worthless, but i decided that you matter to me in way a to me that i would be there for and protect, my own reasons sometimes.

abit souds confusing but when the time comes, maybe you will understand when you come to awkwards situations and I be there for you not because of benefit or self interest, but your matter to me reason, it's been a long totfull process to me but i leave it at that at current moment, i feel bad also that I cann't careless for anyone who doesn't matter to me but there are just some people out there maybe even family members that are similar to these people in some way

Sunday, October 20, 2013

life so far

6 49 pm

it's been about a year since i returned from auckland since august last year, came back home without expecting anything, in fact my life take many turns and unexpected things keep happening and i didn't know, now here I am, back to a fultime job, working my ass off nearly 5 days a week and finishing up my probation. I'm also asking myself this, what would i be like in the future? will i still be the same perosn or am I any different than yesterday and many years before?

i think to myself and about a future i cannot predict but let it happen and i grow up, taking more responsiblity and doing what a grown up shud be doing, do i relly have to take more responsiblity for myself? is it relly neccesary? maybe and maybe not but i know for sure that some things can happen and some things I am not ready yet.

if there is thing i got tot out so far, whehter i stay after probation, i will open up a current account and put some money inside it, the idea is to buy a new car and sell the toyota camry T__T it have been with my family for centuries, i feel sad if i have to part with that car, the other thing is to start up a fixed deposit savings for the future use. all this thing about finance isn't really amuzing at all, money x 3 sigh. i think my bigger issue is after buy a new car on bank loan is to pay back all that money to the bank m concern is only whether i can still keep the 1 year contractt and not screw things up.

another update is a lunch session with co workers

above Jason Choo and Shuet Ling Lee from Dasein Academy of Art

Jason I met when i started working in gancho, shuet ling after i was working there for a month and introduced her to that company

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

dream about auckland

10 : 16 am

had a dream yesterday night about auckland city, was back there and saw AUT and the ACG building, mom was with me and we were aruging about who knows auckland city better, but honestly i think I know it better than her because i walk there everyday in the city.

have been having alot of dreams about auckland city previously, just never know why only, do i miss auckland city? not actively thinking about it but other side of me feeling like that either way i am long way from there, updates? i just renew my road tax until year 2014 nov allowing me to drive around for another year XD

recently just learned that the retirement age have been changed to 55- 60 years old, good or bad I dunno but thats latest news related to social warfare

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

something new to talk about

11 42 pm

its been more than 2 months working in gancho studio under probation, and got something more to share, i been attending meetings with clients from fun science on little scientist so far and i'm starting to think that i have more to do with learning about working with clients at future. management side, social skill, and then how to manage trainee.

just wondering to myself, shud i go do some digging into bussiness school and enrol myself into bussiness school to learn about bussiness? kind of weird but i keep aksing myself this few times ady hm, but to be part of mom's bussiness i dun even need any qualification, people are taken in because they are interested to work i guess. anyway small matter to think about, i'm thinking of only few things at moment.

what i am interested now is settle a few things, one of them is finishing my probation, setting up a fixed deposit in RHB bank and the other is maybe investment in future. all this are very important to consider, back then when I was a fresh graduate at the one i never relly consider this as very important but now i do know better.

other updates is Yee Foong is planing to move out of auckland city and finding a job outside nz, seeing that now jobs prospect there is no different than it was before or even after i left, it's sad to know that i have friends there still not success in getting anything but determine to stay and hopefull to find a opportunity. i guess from now on anyone who returns i will arrange time to meet up and yumcha with them