Tuesday, April 27, 2010


it's 2 am at night and I am typing out another moment in my life here that marks another history, it hurts bad enough to type this out, but I need to get it out of my mind. it was just yesterday that the girl I confessed my feelings to, my clossest friend in college library, I realised I probably hurt her and myself.
I would never have choosen to reveal my feelings at that moment in the library to rachel wan yesterday at that very day, moment if I knew better what to do and understood the situation. just like our closest friend and teacher says, it's pretty clear what her intention is and I didn't understand her, I blame myself for that part and did the mistake by walking out, which I relly cannot avoid.
I'm sorry if I failed to understand you rachel, and I'm sorry if I had to tell you about my feelings when you relly didn't want anything close relationship between us, i'm sorry that you're feeling guilt right now that I never want to have to put you through and I hope this time you can forgive me for this. I can only hope that in time you can understand me and still think of me as a friend again.
most of all I want you to keep the star wars episode 3 book, it's a gift from me, you always said you wanted to own 1, and you relly loved star wars, the only thing I care is just to see that you're happy.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


final presentation just ended today and here I am, at home typing out this blog when I actually could be out there telling her how I felt about her. I shud consider cleaning up my room and worktable 2moro, it's like a total mess. didn't go to darren's church today because i was too tired after that, helped ultraman do his shopping with clothes.
this sem I was able to help those that needed help but that one thing I want is a moment to be with rachel. I meant to invited her out for lunch but she needs a moment with her family understandable, she spend alot of time filming and she needs that break, even after my final presentation sunday afternoon wasn't possible. gotta try and talk to her sometime next week.
pretty soon I will explain what me and my group did for final project and upload some artwork we did with an animatic, for us it was a group effort eveb with all th eshotgun bullets coming at us. next term shud have to be our last term but I believe we might be staying for awhile longer b4 we are going to finish, back to taking freelance work again. sigh

Thursday, April 22, 2010


it's 6:19 am in the morning, I still have insomnia, but I bet it wil die soon, okei how to say this, almost every batch is on sem break except for mine, a final presentation this week or next week hell I give it everything I got as usual.

but that is not the main reason I'mn writing this late and tired, I decided, I'm not going to coward away anymore, this week means this week, on either saturday or sunday, I'm going to get rachel out on a date with me, and I'm going to tell her how I felt about her all this while, I been holding on the fact that I liked her and how happy I felt being with her but never had the courage to tell her how I feel.
this week is the week, it will be relly important because of my feelings and my the attachment I felt with her. I don't know if she will feel the same way but I don't want to regret this, any of this
now I need some rest

Sunday, April 18, 2010


it's 5 40 pm and I'm trying to refine my shitty looking free style runing animation for final submission 2moro, on the other hand, stupid mother nature decide to tell her clouds to let it rain o___0, shud I even be complaining? it was hot like hell past few weeks!

anyway this sem is coming to finish and I still got final presentation 4 group final project next week, so before all this is over, I just wanna say few things, I'm am relly going to find her next week and propose to her whether I face rejection, I have no regrets, I will going to settle the character and environment concept art entrusted to me by jia yung and sheena, I wont give up on them or any of my friends, I want to be a better son, brother and friend.

I hope this week the weather will cool down even if so shitty hot like hell. and lastly I want to thank julian for attending our presentation for final project development and giving us relly helpfull feedback plus all our other classmates.

lastly I will for once upload a speed paint that I did with toa friends and julian, in here I supposed tp put up many months ago but not yet settle so above is my ugly painting XD, titled lord of the rings fan art XD

Friday, April 2, 2010


It's saturday and I'm doing work at the lab 01, like usual, always staying behind last man standing. but today was different type of felling when I'm staying behind, I had this strange feeling that maybe my life was going to change forever and maybe if will be the same.
around 2:00 pm when I was having lunch with Razerblaire, my group members jia yung and sheena, our conversation after our lunch make me think abit more about friendship and trust than before, the feeling was like back in my life in 2007 when I knew "qing" that time. I still can recall my memory in that year where I for the 1st time I felt that having friends in m'sia is relly sometimes abit problematic apart from my current friends who I can trust.
i felt that I was showing too much commitment to being there for the person I want to be with and that my friends felt that maybe I'm doing too much that I'm simply slipping away allowing myself to be to obsessed with my target that I'm forgeting about commitment and responsibility.
I know that sheena and jia yung understand and respect me as their close friend, thank you you 2, as one of my closest friends in toa you both have always been there to help and support me, we never gave up on each other and we're always there for each other, I felt concern for the 1st time when I explained after class when you both heard my story of how I helped my target it's was like you werre my friend there to support me but held back from arguing with me because of how much we all trust each other. I just want to say I hope I am not going to dissappoint our group even if I want to go out with her and be with her that I can still commit to our team no matter how difficult our situation will be and that I'm proud of working with you both even since vst.
despite the fact that I talk so much about her you both understood my feelings, most of all I don't want to be doing this mindlessly like was when I was 22 yrs old, I was being used, taken advantage of and I didn't feel comfortable with t, haha of course not by you both, you treated me well, and you shown me the trust and respect since the day I met you both.
clearly today I want to know if everything I'm doing means something and that I didn't waist time commiting to it, my relationship with the grl I want to be with, my commitment to final project with you 2, my family, my studies, my friends and most of all who I am today.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


yesterday was the start of April fool's day and I'm guessing that people always pull jokes on each other, but yesterday rachel had brought up something that surprised and annoyed both of us on johnny's april fool's joke, for awhile we almost fell for it until we found out it was from his friend(who posed the sms as johnny's sister and said he got into a car accident). Gee, some jokes are not funny wei, not to say we cannot pull something on april fool's but seriously, some stunts should not be that far that you simply annoyed yr friends and family.
I've been staying behind to work this whole week without much rest in the labs, since out final presentation is jsut few weeks away, jia yung and sheena wants to make an animatic so we're probably goig to do 1 2day.
rachel will be busy during VST final, she will need all the help she can get if I can be there to help her, this saturday our final project group plans to go for archery because we never relly go much for outing being dg students. And I find it relly awesome to chill out on weekends XD followed by paying darren a visit this saturday since last week I had to submit work to aik sern to make up for my ffk.
had dinner with rachel just yesterday, can say it's out 1st dinner, she says after like 3 weeks of not seeing me, hasn't she seen me come to the lab every week? haha , anyway it's 6 52 am and I have no idea why I'm in such a good mood in the morning, I'm usually still half asleep at this very odd hour talk about weird XP
I need to focus on character animation final this week because it will feel fun to me and I will probably go do some free running on a sunday around SS15 to get the feel for each stunt, as for yesterday I felt that I did something for her which meant alot to her for the bussiness & client management subject, I hope that when she's finished the sem I can stop being such a wuss and tell her everything and how I feel about her, this will probably also mean being ready that she says no to me and that we will still be friends.
wow, why am I so serious?? damn haha and I was always saying "Chill out!" hahah okeilah till next week.